Accepting Being Alone
Today was definitely a huge turning point in my life. I know a problem I have been struggling with for some time now is that I am not happy alone and I rely on others for happiness. I have been working on this for the past few months now, and today was definitely my biggest day of progress to date.
I have been letting the fact that I have no close friends here in Northridge really bring me down and interfere with me doing the things I want to do. I would tell myself “I can’t go to the movies by myself.” or “I can’t go to a nice sit down restaurant all by myself.” or “I can’t go to the park by myself.” and etc etc. I pretty much told myself I can’t do anything by myself because it’s weird or odd or lonely. People don’t normally do those things by themselves. But the other day I saw a video on tumblr and youtube titled “How to be Alone” and it pretty much talked about how to be comfortable with being alone. (link to it if you’re interested in watching it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs). And it actually really impacted me and made me realize that it shouldn’t matter if I am alone or not. That shouldn’t prevent me from doing the things I want to do. I am doing things for me, not other people, so I should do them anyway for myself. If I want to live life, then I should go out and live it, even if it means living it by myself.
After seeing that, I made a list of things I want to do that I have been putting off because I have no one to go with, and I am starting to go do them. I am tired of not living my life because I am letting other aspects of my life get in the way. To me, the point of life is to live it to the fullest. To go out and experience new things and see the world. And that’s exactly what I am going to start doing. I am going to try out that new restaurant I have been interested in. I am going to go to that museum I have always wanted to go to. I am going to travel to places I have been meaning to travel to for a long time now.
I am going to start living my life regardless if I have someone to share it with or not. No more sitting back and letting life go on without me. The life I have right now isn’t the life I want. It isn’t fulfilling and it’s boring. And that is something I am going to start changing now. By doing more of what I want and what I love.
Tonight I went to the park by myself, and I even went out to a sit down restaurant by myself and treated myself to a wonderful dinner that I have been deserving of for sometime now. And it was amazing. I loved every minute of it. It made a complete change in my mood and it made me really happy that I was finally doing things I have been wanting to do for sometime now. And this is only the starting point in the list of things I am going to start doing on my own now. I am so glad I hit this turning point in my life. I thought life was good before now and it couldn’t get much better. But now life is even better! And I didn’t think that was possible. And I know it can only keep on getting better from here on out (:
Have you ever had a friend whom you liked at first, but then the more you hung out with them, interacted with them, or got to know them, they revealed things about their character you didn’t really like? Whether it be that they’re pessimistic, arrogant, rude/mean, negative, hypocritical, ignorant, selfish, etc. So you decided not to be as close with them and to distance yourself from them because you don’t really like that trait in people. But then after some time apart, you start to interact again and become close again, and everything seems to be going amazingly. And you think to yourself “Wow! This person is awesome and funny and cool. Why did I not like them before?” And things go awesome for a while. But then, it happens. That character trait of theirs you didn’t like starts showing up, little by little. Until it’s just there all the time. And it hits you in the face. And you realize, “This is why I didn’t like them that much.”
Although this situation could also be a positive one. As in, you think someone is awesome and for some reason you become distant, and then after time you start interacting again and you get reminded of why they’re so awesome, and it makes you realize you want to keep them in your life.
I think the moral of this post is that distance reveals a lot. When you and a person stop interacting and get distance from one another, it helps you realize their importance in your life. You will either miss them and decide you want to keep them in your life. Or you won’t miss them and you’ll realize they’re not that beneficial to your life and you are okay without them or okay with being distant. Reconnecting with a person after distance may also help you reach conclusions about that person as well. Maybe you didn’t realize how amazing this person was until they were gone. And after reconnecting with them, it wakes you up to how amazing of a friend/person they really are. Or it can have the opposite affect. Maybe you think you miss them, but then after reconnecting you realize they still have traits you don’t like and there was a reason you were so distant in the first place.
I think if you really want to test the value of a friendship or person in your life, make yourself distant from them. Remove them from your life for a while. Then reconnect. And see how their absence or presence affects you.
Making Progress on “Me”
The past few days have been so wonderful. In fact, this past month has been a journey of self discovery. And today it really sank in. I am slowly becoming who I have always wanted to be. I am doing things I have always wanted to do. I am living my life the way I have envisioned it. And it feels amazing.
I have become more studious. I am taking school a lot more seriously and am doing all my homework and actually putting in effort to study for tests. Today I got a fashion makeover and finally went out and bought clothes to fit the style I have always wanted to wear, but never had the courage (or money) to do it. I got a new piercing and am planning to color my hair soon. I am going to start going to the gym to get into shape. I am cooking dinner now. And much more. I had been accomplishing little bits here and there to improve myself, but I think the clothes makeover today is what really made it all sink in. I have never felt more “me” in my entire life. And I love it. It’s such an amazing feeling to have. I am so happy and content with who I am, and I love who I am. And I am happy I am on a path of self improvement to make myself the best I can be and to make myself who I want to be.
It can only get better from here on out (: I feel amazing. Life is good.
So far this year has been a year of nothing but learning experiences. And let me tell you, have I learned a lot. I am learning what I want in life, who I want to be friends with and who my real friends are, I am learning more and more about me each day, and more about what I want to get out of life. So many things have revealed themselves to me within the past few months. I am growing more as a person and becoming even stronger. Even though the times are tough, it is teaching me how to get my life in order and what I want from life and how to achieve it. It is helping me get my act together and learn valuable lessons.
I have also had revelations about a lot of things as well. I have realized mistakes I have made in the past, and I have learned from them. I have realized the kind of person I want to be with in life. I have realized what kind of people I want in my life. I have realized the kind of person I have been this year, and I no longer want to be that person. I want to better myself.
I think the most important thing though that I have learned is not to rely on others, for anything. Do not rely on others for happiness, do not rely on others to be there for you, and do not rely on others in general. Because in the end, it will lead to you getting hurt, let down, or disappointed. I have learned to only rely on myself and to start focusing more on myself rather than always put others before me. This year has taught me how valuable focusing on yourself can be. It’s how you can achieve your goals and dreams and accomplish what you want. If you focus on yourself, no one or nothing can stand in your way. And it will allow you to grow more as a person and figure yourself out.
This year is definitely the year of learning about myself and figuring out my life. And each day, things become more and more clear.
It’s amazing how much being happy with your life alters your mood. Reflecting back on how I felt/acted these past six months, compared to how I have been acting this past month since I’ve turned my life around, it’s like I am a completely different person.
I have been way more social with all my friends. I have been keeping in touch with more people and been more outspoken. And I have noticed that I have been posting so much happy posts and comments on other people’s Facebook statuses! It’s like I can’t keep this happiness to myself, I have been sharing my good attitude with everyone around me as well. I haven’t been able to stop smiling these past three weeks. From when I wake up to when I go to bed I am in a good mood.
My life is amazing right now, and thinking about my future makes me even happier. I know my future is bright, and I don’t know for certain what is in store for me, but I know it can only be good from this point on. I have hope for the future, and I know things will go well (:
Moral of the story: Don’t let things going on in your life bring you down. Be happy with what you’ve got, live in the present, and look forward to the future. Everything will work out on its own.
"It is not what happens to you but how you respond to what happens to you."
School come faster!
I am SO excited for this school year to start :D I have never been more excited for a school year before in my life! I am counting down the days until it begins. For once, I am happy summer is ending and the fall semester is beginning.
There are so many things I am looking forward to:
- Taking upper division classes and furthering my knowledge in my major. AND hopefully getting all super good grades :D
- Joining several clubs, including community service clubs, and being active on campus.
- Being able to go to the three story recreation center to finally start working out and getting into shape.
- Being able to work on campus for my job is a super plus.
- Attending this campus in general just makes me excited!! :D
This is definitely going to be the best semester yet, and hopefully best school year ever! I cannot wait n__n
August 26th arrive faster!
Time to Start Living
So recently I have been thinking about reasons why my life has been so blah or mundane. And I think it’s because in general I fell into the rut of everything revolving around work and school. Which is understandable because those are both my main priorities right now, but at the same time there is more to life than just work and school. I don’t want to spend my entire life working toward a degree just to immediately start working again afterward in a new career field. What is the point in that? The point of life is to live it. Go out and see places. Try new things. Do things you’ve never done before. Have fun. Live your life and enjoy it while you can. Before you know it you’ll reach a point in your life where you won’t have time for fun anymore because career will come first. Until then you need to take advantage of the time you have now to do the things you want before it’s too late.
That being said, I have taken this opportunity and newfound lesson to start working on a list. I am making a list of things I want to do in my life. Whether it be this year, next year, or over the course of the next 4 to 5 years before I get my degree and settle down in a career. And every month or few months I am going to cross one thing off that list. I am going to start doing all the things I’ve wanted to do but haven’t because I felt like my life was holding me back. Now that I have the freedom to do what I want, I want to do what I want. It’s time to start living.
So far the list is short, but every day I am thinking of things to add to it. And it makes me happy to say that next week I will be crossing one thing off that list by going to Yosemite National Park (: Something I have been wanting to do for a while but never got around to it.
From now on, it’s no more wishing or waiting. If I want to do something, I am going to do it.
"In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years." - Abraham Lincoln
The past few days have been very nice. Very good. I haven’t felt so happy in a long time. I feel like my life is finally falling together. The future is looking bright.
The First Steps
Today I took the first steps in living a healthier lifestyle!
Step 1 was creating a healthier diet.
I am not very good at eating healthy because to be honest, I have no idea what to make that’s healthy… and because I have a strong affection for unhealthy greasy foods and chocolate :D
But today I took some small steps in creating a better diet!
For breakfast I am going to start having muffins or a yummy grain cereal with fruit in it along with juice. Maybe some eggs and bacon every now and then. Bacon is always good. Mmm bacon.
For lunch I am going to start packing my own lunch for school every day (goodbye fast food!). My lunch shall contain a sandwich, juice, and a mixture of fruit (:
And for dinner, oh geez, this is the big one. I am going to start having a salad every day with dinner (GASP), and I am also going to try to include some type of protein with my dinner (DOUBLE GASP). Since I am 85% vegetarian and rarely ever eat meat, I lack protein intake. So I am going to try to have some sort of meat with my dinner from now on, as well as make sure I eat a balanced dinner! As in, more than just chicken and pasta. I would like to try to have three things with dinner from now on (aside the salad!), such as: chicken, pasta, and rice. Or chicken, rice, and vegetables. etc.
And in general I am going to start drinking a lot more water and taking daily vitamins!
Hopefully this helps me feel better :D
Right now my problems are: lots of headaches, feeling like death, no energy, and always tired.
I shall try this out for a few weeks and see if I notice any changes. Hoping it helps c: